Again the therapist writes in his journal/diary.  He’s traveled to the hospital to see the boy again and his thoughts aren’t exactly lucid…or are they?  Click on the Diary page tab or read the new entry here.

November 23:
I know it’s time to get away from the force.  Yes, yes, yes.  It’s a fraternal order but I’ve never fit in with the group anyway.  Our belief systems are just too different.  Not to mention the cliques and factions that seem to be in a constant struggle to rule over all the others who labor away, just wanting to perform their jobs, duties and obsession with making the world a better place in a quantifiable way.  I’m waiting here to see the boy once again.  Travel was slow today due to the snow storm.  My persistence paid off however as I got here early.  Gave me time to appreciate the solace I find in this dark place I claim as my own in some odd, perhaps troubled way.  They cannot touch me here.  Not literally nor figuratively.  They’re not even a factor.  Yes, that’s it.  I leave and go out on my own.  After all, Casey was able to do it.  They won’t miss me and I certainly won’t miss them.  On second thought, I shan’t leave of my own free will.  The man in the big chair told me to take some time to myself.  I haven’t taken PTO in seven years…yes, that’s it.

They won’t even know I’ve gone.I’m gone and they’ll never even know,

Wayne Noyes-Goode

I’ve realized, just today that I’m alone.  The friends I thought I had aren’t friends at all.  It’s my obsession they tell me.  Ha!  My obsession with what?  Wanting to be a better man?  Wanting to help someone who can still be a better man?  The boy has spoken to my heart and I cannot deny that my purpose is to bear with his outbreaks, his rage, his fits of anger increase each time I see him.  Can men truly interact with other men without the need to control others factoring into the circumstances?  Only time will tell but for now I know one thing and only that one thing: I AM ALONE.  No one can understand.  They will not try.  They only manipulate and pressure.  Goad and scheme.  I will proceed alone as opposed to becoming part of the chess match.  I am not a pawn and though egos of men seemingly preclude them from acting as honorable human beings I can only be affected by allowing them to believe they are a part of my life.  My existence.  They are NOT.  Or at least they will not be very soon.  I travel tomorrow to visit the boy again.  These recent experiences only serve to raise doubt in my own mind – do they taint me with their usury and guile?  I cannot let this happen.  Such being the case, I will eliminate them from my circle.  THEY cannot be trusted…never again.  My work will continue.I remain who I and I alone can be,

Wayne Noyes-Goode”